Last week, a certain talented footballer by the name of Thierry Henry decided to have a game of 'keepie uppie' whilst playing for France against Ireland. The only problem was he used his hands instead of his feet - which of course is cheating. Worse still, the goal that followed knocked the Irish out of the World Cup.
Now I don't know what the referee is doing this weekend, but I reckon he should be heading for his nearest Specsavers.
Where I come from, football referees are either brainless, or blind, but of course I am a Hearts supporter!
Now we all know what John McEnroe thinks of tennis umpires, although he has mellowed over the years. But even the most courteous and mild mannered tennis pros have had aberrations over line calls. Back in 2001, Andy Roddick had a total meltdown in the US Open and lost the final set against Lleyton Hewitt. More recently, Serena Williams lost the plot after being foot-faulted and, in Miami, Roger 'the Gentleman' Federer smashed his best racket into a thousand pieces.
The question is - what should you do if you've had a bad line call, or even worse a few them in a row. Well, first thing to remember is that umpires don't cheat, nor do the vast majority of players. So you've got to let it go very quickly - if you become heated or frustrated, or dwell on things, then you're playing into the hands of your opponent, and will lose the match.
So it's best just to focus on the next point, take a few deep breaths, and repeat to yourself "I am in control".
Man - you cannot be serious............
Saturday, 21 November 2009
Friday, 30 October 2009
Repeat After Me..........
For those of you who don't know Edinburgh, a beautiful parkland lies to the south of the city centre called The Meadows.
I often walk up Middle Meadow Walk to the city, and just where various paths intersect, there is a Big Issue seller. Now you actually hear him about 100 metres away with his cry of "Can I interest you in the Big Issue". However, because he repeats this call at least twice a minute, to the uninformed it sounds more like "in stress you in big shoe" - so you might think he's some sort of footwear specialist.
In Dundee, in the 60's, I recall a dusky man in a grey raincoat and bonnet, who stood at the foot of Reform Street. Every few seconds he would shout "Telly Telly Graf". Now you might think he was announcing the arrival of Steffi on the tennis scene - but in fact he was selling the Dundee Evening Telegraph.
I once read that if you stood in front of a mirror and repeated "you are so handsome" over and over again then eventually you would look like George Clooney. Well it's not worked for me so far but I do believe in this theory.
Psychological research has shown that repetitive negative self talk is associated with losing. So in tennis, there is great value in repeating to yourself that you are a fine player, rather than constantly thinking "my backhand is rubbish". In simple terms don't think what you mustn't do or shouldn't do - think what you "could", "can" or "will" do!!
So for the guys out there, repeat after me...............
"I can serve like Federer!"
"I can hit forehands like Federer"
"I have a bank balance like Federer"
Ah now we're dreaming......................
I often walk up Middle Meadow Walk to the city, and just where various paths intersect, there is a Big Issue seller. Now you actually hear him about 100 metres away with his cry of "Can I interest you in the Big Issue". However, because he repeats this call at least twice a minute, to the uninformed it sounds more like "in stress you in big shoe" - so you might think he's some sort of footwear specialist.
In Dundee, in the 60's, I recall a dusky man in a grey raincoat and bonnet, who stood at the foot of Reform Street. Every few seconds he would shout "Telly Telly Graf". Now you might think he was announcing the arrival of Steffi on the tennis scene - but in fact he was selling the Dundee Evening Telegraph.
I once read that if you stood in front of a mirror and repeated "you are so handsome" over and over again then eventually you would look like George Clooney. Well it's not worked for me so far but I do believe in this theory.
Psychological research has shown that repetitive negative self talk is associated with losing. So in tennis, there is great value in repeating to yourself that you are a fine player, rather than constantly thinking "my backhand is rubbish". In simple terms don't think what you mustn't do or shouldn't do - think what you "could", "can" or "will" do!!
So for the guys out there, repeat after me...............
"I can serve like Federer!"
"I can hit forehands like Federer"
"I have a bank balance like Federer"
Ah now we're dreaming......................
Monday, 28 September 2009
Do you need a bag?
The other day, on opening the car boot outside the tennis centre, I was hit by a sudden gust of wind.
Such was the velocity, two extremely precious Marks & Spencer carrier bags took off and sped across the car park.
Now not too long ago, realising I would have to cough up 5p x 2, I would been off after them at high speed, leaping over cars or any other obstacle in the process. This time, however, I waved them good-bye, hoping they would find a good home somewhere down by Leith docks (that's where they were heading!)
On the tennis court, when one because less fleet of foot, there has to be an acceptance that you can't chase down balls as you did in your 20's
Have you ever watched skilled 'senior' players and wondered why they never do any running yet seem to get to every shot? Well here's the secret. Smart players move while the ball is on the other side of the net - they anticipate the return and get into position early.
As your mobility decreases, it is also essential that you shrink the court. This means playing more balls in mid court, hitting deep angles volleys, drop shots or anything else in your repertoire. But don't get stranded in 'no person's land' (very pc!) in doubles, leaving your partner scuttling around the baseline.
The one real problematic shot is the ball that lands at your feet. As a spotty teenager, you would let it bounce then charge after it to the back of the court. As elegant seniors, we don't want to do that - instead we should take the ball on the rise, as a short hop or half vollley.
The secret of this shot is to bend your knees and stay low throughtout the stroke (the sounds of the ball hitting the court followed by the racket contacting the ball should be almost simultaneous). This shot requires little effort - but a lot of practice!
So think variety, placement and accuracy - and save your feet for the late night dancin'!
Such was the velocity, two extremely precious Marks & Spencer carrier bags took off and sped across the car park.
Now not too long ago, realising I would have to cough up 5p x 2, I would been off after them at high speed, leaping over cars or any other obstacle in the process. This time, however, I waved them good-bye, hoping they would find a good home somewhere down by Leith docks (that's where they were heading!)
On the tennis court, when one because less fleet of foot, there has to be an acceptance that you can't chase down balls as you did in your 20's
Have you ever watched skilled 'senior' players and wondered why they never do any running yet seem to get to every shot? Well here's the secret. Smart players move while the ball is on the other side of the net - they anticipate the return and get into position early.
As your mobility decreases, it is also essential that you shrink the court. This means playing more balls in mid court, hitting deep angles volleys, drop shots or anything else in your repertoire. But don't get stranded in 'no person's land' (very pc!) in doubles, leaving your partner scuttling around the baseline.
The one real problematic shot is the ball that lands at your feet. As a spotty teenager, you would let it bounce then charge after it to the back of the court. As elegant seniors, we don't want to do that - instead we should take the ball on the rise, as a short hop or half vollley.
The secret of this shot is to bend your knees and stay low throughtout the stroke (the sounds of the ball hitting the court followed by the racket contacting the ball should be almost simultaneous). This shot requires little effort - but a lot of practice!
So think variety, placement and accuracy - and save your feet for the late night dancin'!
Friday, 21 August 2009
Man or Woman
Have you been following the story about a certain Caster Semenya, the new women's world 800 metres champion. Such was the wide margin of her victory, those in 'authority' thought she must be a man.
Now I've been accused of many things in my time but never been mistaken for the opposite sex - though in a senior moment I did once stray into the ladies changing room in our local sports centre. The fact that several scantily glad young ladies ignored me totally did little for my ego!
Now whilst on the subject of gender dubiety, during a visit to New York last February, I was picked up by a 'female' taxi driver outside Grand Central Station. Looks wise, she could have been Charles Bronson's twin. Driving wise, she must have trained on Blackpool's dodgem cars. During the short journey down a packed 5th Avenue, our speed got up to 70 mph and we had numerous 'near misses' , including several innocent pedestrians trying to cross the road.
She was probably aged around 35 but looked 75, having spent her working life with a pulse rate around 130. But she was female, there was no doubt about that!
I am tempted at this point to bring my 'mother-in-law' into the equation but wont!
However, whilst still on dangerous ground, can I just mention the two top ladies tennis players in the world - Serena and Safina. Now there is no doubting their sexuality, but both are built like tanks and have muscles straight from the front page of Men's Health magazine.
The big difference is that they are both supreme athletes, in comparison with the jam doughnut days of the 60's and 70's..............
Before naming names, I will stop right here whilst I still have an exit!
Now I've been accused of many things in my time but never been mistaken for the opposite sex - though in a senior moment I did once stray into the ladies changing room in our local sports centre. The fact that several scantily glad young ladies ignored me totally did little for my ego!
Now whilst on the subject of gender dubiety, during a visit to New York last February, I was picked up by a 'female' taxi driver outside Grand Central Station. Looks wise, she could have been Charles Bronson's twin. Driving wise, she must have trained on Blackpool's dodgem cars. During the short journey down a packed 5th Avenue, our speed got up to 70 mph and we had numerous 'near misses' , including several innocent pedestrians trying to cross the road.
She was probably aged around 35 but looked 75, having spent her working life with a pulse rate around 130. But she was female, there was no doubt about that!
I am tempted at this point to bring my 'mother-in-law' into the equation but wont!
However, whilst still on dangerous ground, can I just mention the two top ladies tennis players in the world - Serena and Safina. Now there is no doubting their sexuality, but both are built like tanks and have muscles straight from the front page of Men's Health magazine.
The big difference is that they are both supreme athletes, in comparison with the jam doughnut days of the 60's and 70's..............
Before naming names, I will stop right here whilst I still have an exit!
Monday, 13 July 2009
Sounds of Silence
Well folks that's the big extravaganza over for another year - finishing on a superb mens final, which was the perfect advert for tennis.
In contrast, we had the ladies final no-one really wanted. With all due respect to their respective tennis abilities, having the same two sisters yet again slogging it out on the final Saturday is not compulsive viewing.
Then of course this year we had to contend with a further raising of the decibels - I would reckon that Victoria Azarenka creates a health and safety issue - for the crowd.
One has got to ask the question - how does Roger Federer play such magnificent tennis without shrieking every time he hits the ball. The answer of course is simple - it is unnecessary.
Having said there, there is an important place for correct breathing techniques on court - and experts recommend an exhalation as you make contact with the ball. But it should be relaxed, like a sigh, and start before and continue long past contact. A scream, or shriek, is tense and restrictive and just adds to your inner stress in tight situations.
In contrast, quiet deep breathing is a very useful tool, especially as a preparation to serving at vital points, or at change-overs between games.
So what other sounds will you remember form Wimbledon 2009. Well in my opinion, the 1977 Virginia is well past her 'use by' date - her voice irritates (or is it just me!). In contrast John Lloyd, Andrew Castle, Tracy Austin and Andy's mum are first class and have enhanced BBC's excellent coverage throughout the fortnight.
My final prediction for Wimbledon is that rain will never again fall on SW19 during July.
Shame about the roof.
In contrast, we had the ladies final no-one really wanted. With all due respect to their respective tennis abilities, having the same two sisters yet again slogging it out on the final Saturday is not compulsive viewing.
Then of course this year we had to contend with a further raising of the decibels - I would reckon that Victoria Azarenka creates a health and safety issue - for the crowd.
One has got to ask the question - how does Roger Federer play such magnificent tennis without shrieking every time he hits the ball. The answer of course is simple - it is unnecessary.
Having said there, there is an important place for correct breathing techniques on court - and experts recommend an exhalation as you make contact with the ball. But it should be relaxed, like a sigh, and start before and continue long past contact. A scream, or shriek, is tense and restrictive and just adds to your inner stress in tight situations.
In contrast, quiet deep breathing is a very useful tool, especially as a preparation to serving at vital points, or at change-overs between games.
So what other sounds will you remember form Wimbledon 2009. Well in my opinion, the 1977 Virginia is well past her 'use by' date - her voice irritates (or is it just me!). In contrast John Lloyd, Andrew Castle, Tracy Austin and Andy's mum are first class and have enhanced BBC's excellent coverage throughout the fortnight.
My final prediction for Wimbledon is that rain will never again fall on SW19 during July.
Shame about the roof.
Thursday, 18 June 2009
Wombledon
Yes - its that time of year again.
Even though you cannot differentiate between a tennis racket and the backend of a shovel, Wimbledon will be the hot topic for the next two weeks (might even knock ministerial expenses off it's perch)
One dead certainty is that we wont see a drop of rain. That's because the Centre Court has a sliding roof to keep out the weather - sods law will dictate that we have a fortnight of unbroken sunshine.
The other 'certainty', according to the tabloids, is that a certain Andrew Murray will be holding the championship trophy aloft in a couple of weeks time.
Now if they were to move Wimbledon from SW19 to EH25 then Andy would walk it. (the media razzmatazz would never venture north of Hadrian's Wall)
Or - if AM was able to hide in his grandmother's loft between now and the final - with the odd appearance on court - then I'm sure he would be dancing with Serena (my tip for the ladies) at the Championship ball.
One final 'or' - this is a bit more technical - if he were to maintain a 1st service success rate of over 70 per cent, then I reckon he would be the champion.
However, my prediction is that an unseeded player will have a 'stormer' against him and exit Andy round 3 or 4. Just hope I'm proved wrong.
One thing certain, he will entertain - and that's what Wimbledon is all about.
Even though you cannot differentiate between a tennis racket and the backend of a shovel, Wimbledon will be the hot topic for the next two weeks (might even knock ministerial expenses off it's perch)
One dead certainty is that we wont see a drop of rain. That's because the Centre Court has a sliding roof to keep out the weather - sods law will dictate that we have a fortnight of unbroken sunshine.
The other 'certainty', according to the tabloids, is that a certain Andrew Murray will be holding the championship trophy aloft in a couple of weeks time.
Now if they were to move Wimbledon from SW19 to EH25 then Andy would walk it. (the media razzmatazz would never venture north of Hadrian's Wall)
Or - if AM was able to hide in his grandmother's loft between now and the final - with the odd appearance on court - then I'm sure he would be dancing with Serena (my tip for the ladies) at the Championship ball.
One final 'or' - this is a bit more technical - if he were to maintain a 1st service success rate of over 70 per cent, then I reckon he would be the champion.
However, my prediction is that an unseeded player will have a 'stormer' against him and exit Andy round 3 or 4. Just hope I'm proved wrong.
One thing certain, he will entertain - and that's what Wimbledon is all about.
Friday, 8 May 2009
Ouch......
Ok - you know the situation - you're watching the 9 o'clock news and you're warned - "some of you might find these pictures disturbing". What happens? You're compulsively glued to the screen, unable to divert your eyes as the horrors unfold.
Well the following scenario has bits that might make you squeamish - so look away now!
There is a modern shot in tennis often referred to as the SOS, or emergency forehand. Basically, you're trying to return an extremely wide ball on your forehand side. In days gone by, you would have resorted to a lob, giving you some recovery time.
These days, many of the pros change to a continental grip and hit downwards, like slicing a water melon. The advantage is your return will remain low over the net, often forcing your opponent to err on the volley. To make the shot, there is a need to stretch your hitting arm and legs to their limit (bit like Inspector Gadget). Kim Clijsters used to perform the splits - not something to try yourself without full medical insurance!
It is basically a squash shot - and Roger Federer for example is very good at it.
Now if you look at Roger's torso then compare it with mine - well enough said. (as an aside my favourite rally partner keeps a picture of Mrs Federer's semi-naked husband on her office desk!)
But a week past Saturday, whilst playing social doubles, I attempted to emulate Roger's SOS forehand and felt a twang in my upper arm. At this stage I should have done an Andy Murray i.e. screamed out and rolled around in agony (sorry Andy). But I played on like the hero I am, with stiff upper lip (and bendy lower arm).
Are you still reading - or have you fainted?
It was only when I got home and couldn't move my thumb that I declared - "Houston we have a problem"
Now I'm going to spare you many of the ensuing dramatic details - including inability to do lots of things, including scratching my bum (Nadal take note). But I have damage to the radial joint - with a bit of "itis" (with all due respect to Zorba, the Greeks are to blame for most things!) Consequently my tennis playing has come to a halt - and I'm frustrated and, being a man, often grumpy.
However, today I went to B...s the chemist to buy a support bandage, to allow me to start doing some things I'd stopped doing.
Thank-you B...ts assistant for being lovely and also taking the time to measure my wrist and put on the bandage. (I think I would've had to stand on my head , like Mr Bean, to do it myself).
I won't be attemping that shot again - but I will defintely go back to B....s!
Well the following scenario has bits that might make you squeamish - so look away now!
There is a modern shot in tennis often referred to as the SOS, or emergency forehand. Basically, you're trying to return an extremely wide ball on your forehand side. In days gone by, you would have resorted to a lob, giving you some recovery time.
These days, many of the pros change to a continental grip and hit downwards, like slicing a water melon. The advantage is your return will remain low over the net, often forcing your opponent to err on the volley. To make the shot, there is a need to stretch your hitting arm and legs to their limit (bit like Inspector Gadget). Kim Clijsters used to perform the splits - not something to try yourself without full medical insurance!
It is basically a squash shot - and Roger Federer for example is very good at it.
Now if you look at Roger's torso then compare it with mine - well enough said. (as an aside my favourite rally partner keeps a picture of Mrs Federer's semi-naked husband on her office desk!)
But a week past Saturday, whilst playing social doubles, I attempted to emulate Roger's SOS forehand and felt a twang in my upper arm. At this stage I should have done an Andy Murray i.e. screamed out and rolled around in agony (sorry Andy). But I played on like the hero I am, with stiff upper lip (and bendy lower arm).
Are you still reading - or have you fainted?
It was only when I got home and couldn't move my thumb that I declared - "Houston we have a problem"
Now I'm going to spare you many of the ensuing dramatic details - including inability to do lots of things, including scratching my bum (Nadal take note). But I have damage to the radial joint - with a bit of "itis" (with all due respect to Zorba, the Greeks are to blame for most things!) Consequently my tennis playing has come to a halt - and I'm frustrated and, being a man, often grumpy.
However, today I went to B...s the chemist to buy a support bandage, to allow me to start doing some things I'd stopped doing.
Thank-you B...ts assistant for being lovely and also taking the time to measure my wrist and put on the bandage. (I think I would've had to stand on my head , like Mr Bean, to do it myself).
I won't be attemping that shot again - but I will defintely go back to B....s!
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